The Awesome Jar
An Active Experience of Gratitude
We all know it’s important to be grateful for what we have. It’s a very basic concept, one that we confront practically every day. Everything from desktop backgrounds to throw pillows seems to feature flowy scripts of “Thankful,” Grateful” or “#Blessed.”
But how many of us actually practice gratitude? I don’t mean just allowing grateful thoughts to flow passively through your subconscious (although the more of those, the better too!). I’m talking about an intentional, daily, pen-and-paper (or button-to-finger) ritual of spelling out the things you’re grateful for.
This does take work, of course, but really only about five minutes out of the 1,440 in your day. And it doesn’t have to be a master list of all the things in your life that you’re grateful for - making one of those definitely takes more than five minutes! For this short, daily gratitude ritual, all you have to do is write down three things you’re grateful for that day. It can be major stuff, like a fun day playing with the kids at the beach, or something insignificant, like our hall light finally getting fixed.
Practical Benefits of Practicing Gratitude
So what can this five-minute, write-it-down gratitude ritual add to your life? You might be surprised! Here are just ten amazing benefits that gratitude journaling can bring.
Natural Antidepressant. Our brains release serotonin and dopamine (“happy hormones”) when we express gratitude. These hormones instantly enhance our mood and create feelings of happiness. We literally cannot feel depressed and actively express gratitude at the same time!
Improved Physical Health. Science shows that gratitude plays a vital role in mental well-being, which in turn affects physical well-being. Practicing gratitude actually reduces stress—and since stress is the number one silent risk factor for chronic illness, it’s no surprise that keeping a regular gratitude journal is correlated to better health outcomes.
Stronger Relationships. It’s all too easy to fall into negative thought patterns about the people we’re closest to, isn’t it? We’ve all had that one friend (or maybe, as much as we hate to admit it, we’ve been that friend) who relentlessly complains about their spouse, kids, or parents. Most of the time, it’s insignificant stuff, especially now when we’re all in such close proximity. But what if, instead of complaining, they wrote down three things about their spouse that they were grateful for. It would immediately shift the focus from negativity to positivity! And the more we actively express gratitude about our loved ones, the more our behavior will change—and the more likely the other person will be to mirror those positive emotions and behaviors.
Better Sleep Quality. Research shows that gratitude journaling helps us to release and reduce those nagging thoughts and worries that seem to pop up right when we’re trying to fall asleep. By spending a few minutes focusing on positive, contented thoughts, you can fall asleep more quickly, and sleep better too! Participants in gratitude journaling experiments reported longer, more refreshing sleep, across the board.
Improved Focus and Work Ability. Because gratitude helps us disconnect from negativity and stress, an active daily practice of gratitude can really enhance your work life! After all, our careers involve our finances, goals, and, well, other people. That can be a recipe for stress and negativity, but gratitude helps shift the focus drastically. You’ll find yourself noticing the good things about your co-workers, clients, tasks, and even your office space. In turn, that can make you feel happier, more relaxed, and more fulfilled. That will enable you to focus on your actual work much more effectively! From there, your colleagues will discover that they enjoy your company more, and appreciate your work more. It’s an awesome cycle.
Improved Awareness. All too often, the days pass by in a blur, as we work our way through a million to-do’s, race through homework and dinner, dinner, and collapse into bed! Why stop for a gratitude ritual? Well, simply because life is too precious to let it race by like that. Doing a few minutes of simple gratitude journaling is a chance to stop, relax, recall the moments that otherwise might have slipped past, unnoticed. And best of all, it will help you to contextualize everything in a good light.
A Better Sense of the Present Moment. This may not happen right away, but with time, your practice of gratitude can help you develop the habit of looking on the bright side, not just at the end of the day, but throughout the day. That means that as you go about your day, you’ll be brought into the present moment continually, because you’ll be constantly looking for the good stuff in every situation. Without even trying! It’s a beautiful way to connect positively with the moment you’re in.
Strength for the Tough Times. Of course, being grateful isn’t an automatic ticket to having everything turn out perfectly. No matter how positively you look at the world, there are still plenty of ways that things can go wrong: your company may close, you or a loved one could become ill, or a natural disaster might hit your area, to name just a few. But in hard times, a practice of gratitude can make all the difference. Dr. Robert Emmons, author of the book Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier, notes, “We have discovered that a person who experiences gratitude is able to cope more effectively with everyday stress, may show increased resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress, and may recover more quickly from illness and benefit from greater physical health.” Amazing!
Self-Love, Other-Love, All the Love! When you’re counting up things to be grateful for, don’t forget about yourself! It may or may not come naturally to you to think positively about your accomplishments, your good qualities, or your body. But as you write down the things you appreciate, it can help you see your role in those positive things. Grateful for a good meal? Chances are, you made it, or have a good relationship with the person who made it, or earned the money to buy it, which is awesome. Grateful for a book you just read? You guessed it; it’s awesome that you like to read (or fought through and read the book even though you don’t like to read!). Furthermore, as you notice your own involvement in those things, you’ll notice the involvement of others—from the farmers and grocery store employees who help get food to your table, to your children who brighten the fridge (and your life) with their artwork.
More of Everything. Finally, gratitude is a practice with accruing benefits. The more you work at it, the more it transforms you and those around you. Can you imagine? More gratitude, more contentment, more peace, more productivity, more success, more strength, more health benefits, more love. It’s absolutely incredible that such a small change could be so profound.
Nighttime Awesome Jar ritual with my family
Creating the Awesome Jar
Are you with me so far? Great! Okay, now imagine this: instead of starting a gratitude journal as an adult, try to think about what your life would be like if you had been practicing gratitude since you were a little child.
You probably wouldn’t have to put so much work into building gratitude practices (or so much money into seeing psychiatrists) in order to undo all the self-deprecating, judgemental, self-criticizing, loathing, victimized, fear-based insecurities we’ve all had to battle at some point. Of course some of that is impossible to avoid, but what if your brain had been trained from toddlerhood to default to thoughts of gratitude? What if you had navigated through life consistently reaping the benefits discussed above?
I literally cannot think of a better gift to give to my children than happiness, self-love, health, mental and physical well-being, abundance, awareness, presence and every-single-day appreciation of their life. Which is why my husband and I started keeping a gratitude jar, or as my kids call it, “The Awesome Jar.”
So what is it? Honestly, it’s just an empty plastic canister, with a Post-It pad and a pen nearby. I’m the designated writer, and each night at bedtime, everyone has to name two things they were grateful for from that day. Or in the kids’ language, “two awesome things that happened today.”
When we first started this, my daughter was four years old, while my son was only one and a half. As you can imagine, there were really just three participants in our first year of keeping the Awesome Jar. But over time, my son’s contributions evolved from staring at everyone blankly, to saying “My turn!” followed by some baby-talk that we could hardly decipher, to “I’m thankful for… poopy-head!” Now, at the age of four, he can tell us, “I’m thankful for playing on the beach with my best friends Hayden and Kalel, and the ice cream after dinner.”
Other gems from the jar? “I’m thankful for a fun day at dance camp, and having a playdate with Leila after.”
“I’m thankful for Baba and Deedee coming to Miami and having Shabbat dinner together.”
“I’m thankful for my new doll and going to get ice cream with Daddy.”
“I’m thankful for playing water balloons and my cousins Jacques and Mischa coming.”
“I’m thankful for snuggling with Mommy, Daddy, and Levi, and watching Life of Pets.”
“I’m thankful for going outside to play and to the park and my new dinosaur toy.”
“I’m thankful for my school and my friends Bianca, Alexina and Chloe at school.”
Or, the latest from my son, which happens to be my favorite to date, “I’m thankful for Mommy. And Mommy. That's it.”
By practicing gratitude, your kids will have a whole new appreciation for their daily experiences, the people in their lives, and all the things we take for granted that are, in fact, all so beautiful. These are the small, but awesome, things that make up your life. So imagine training these little minds to be aware of them, to notice them!
The Parents’ Turn
And as parents, when we hear our children say some of these things (and granted, there are many evenings when we need to help “remind” them of some of the awesome things that happened that day), we selfishly feel more fulfilled, and appreciated. And then when it’s our turn, we find ourselves saying things like,
“I’m thankful for my morning swim in the ocean with Olivia, and reading Levi’s book before naptime.”
“I’m thankful for making popsicles with the kids today, and Olivia learning a new song in her piano class.”
“I’m thankful for my beach walk to the lifeguard tower with Levi today, and for the car rides driving Olivia and her three girlfriends to dance camp.”
“I’m thankful for our trip to the vegetable farm today picking vegetables together and our afternoon snuggle session just the 4 of us when we got home.”
Of course, sometimes while we’re all saying our two awesome things, my husband and I are so exhausted that we just want to get everyone to bed already! But saying our two things is a constant reminder to truly appreciate all of life’s little mundane tasks—the car rides, the walks, the park visits, the water balloons. It all matters.
And more importantly, the kids hear that they matter, that they are appreciated. How often do we tell them to hurry up, to stop doing something, to say please and thank you, to clean up their messes. On the other hand, how often do they get to hear, “I love taking car rides with you. I love spending time with you.” Well, gratitude journaling is a way to make sure that you’re consistently giving them positive, loving messages with real words and examples.
Gratitude in Marriage
Which all brings me to my final reflection point. My husband, like many other men, is a man of few words. And I’m a woman who needs words! I used to regularly find myself saying things like, “Babe, you don’t appreciate me. You never say this, you never say that.” You ladies know what I’m talking about.
But I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve uttered that complaint. Certainly not since we started this family ritual! Because, when it’s my husband’s turn to say his two awesome things, every so often I pop up in there.
“I’m thankful for the delicious dinner Mommy cooked for me.”
“I’m thankful that Mommy edits all my blogs.”
“I’m thankful for going to the beach with Mommy this afternoon.”
“I’m thankful for having fun with Mommy on our date last night.”
Hearing things like that, even if it’s just once or twice each week, makes me feel loved and appreciated. And what does that do? It makes me feel gratitude right back.
“I’m thankful that Daddy fixed my computer today.”
“I’m thankful that Daddy’s back is feeling better, and he feels strong and healthy to play with us on the beach.”
“I’m thankful for the exercise walk I took with Daddy today.”
It brings the level of respect and love between us to new heights, switching our feelings toward each other away from any negativity, complaining, upset, or resentment, toward positivity, appreciation, and love. And that carries over from the five minutes each evening into the entire next day, and the day after, and the day after that.
Looking Ahead
It’s been three years, and the canister is almost all the way full. When our pile of Post-Its reaches the very top, we plan to open the jar and read all of the Post-Its together. I’m sure there will be a lot of memories in there, a lot of smiles, and maybe a few tears as we reflect on our family’s journey. And then? It will be time to start our family’s second Awesome Jar. Maybe an even bigger one this time.
